Written : 9/30/2007
The birds were chirping although
the morning seems pleasantly quiet. As usual I woke up early in the morning but
quite earlier. The sky seems cloudy but my mind was blurred and fizzy. I
couldn’t recall myself where the shadow was lieing and whether it was present,
past or future. However, I can recall it must have been the wonderful past that
has always been memorable in my life. The shadow keep on insisting me it's neither
dead nor alive but was lost somewhere far in the horizon for quite a long
period of time, maybe more than six years. I couldn’t differentiate the reality and the dream;
both of them were analogy for me.
I was confused, lost and scared.
As the sun starts to glow and the glistening rays starts to strike the walls of
my room. I feel the world is moving and moving as usual. Finally, the birds
were chirping and the sun was moving and the dawn has arrived. The dead shadow
was gone forever but still the memories were in my mind eccentrically resided.
Oh..I can't believe! She is
alive. I was recalling myself where I was for the last six years. Is it a
trauma or nightmare that has been escaped for such a long period of time? I
feel I lost her but eventually I find her. I was looping, iterating and
couldn’t come out of the web that has been sewed inside my brain for the last
twenty-eight years.
I was talking to her. Mama you
are still alive. I am sorry for you as I couldn’t contact you for the last six
years. She didn’t give me any compliments nor did she repel. I feel she was
happy although surviving hard in the bed of hospital. It was more than six
years she was with Cancer- the disease that has always been the challenge to
the modern medical developments and achievements. She is weak, blatantly weak
but again her words were powerful and very strong.
I peep through my window. World
seems to be moving, not fast as I have anticipated but it's moving. The peoples
have started their activities, the students were moving and the cold frenzy air
was making the environment superb. I looked amazingly to all the six walls of
my room. They are there! Where should they go? Where am I?
She has been staying in the
hospital bed for more than six years. I asked myself? Where I was for such a
long period of time? Everything has changed since then. I have girl-friend. I
am getting married, I have been to china. The clock is rotating so fast and
unbeaten. The dead shadow was not there to stop it. Why?
Soon I started to enjoy the
bed-tea. It was good. As usual, I couldn’t do anything without tea. I am a tea
maniac. I love tea. Sometimes I drink, maybe dozen cups of tea. I am a
voracious drinker. The sun became stronger. The activities were increasing
tremendously. Nothing could stop it not even the dead shadow.
Grandma you are still with us.
It's hard to believe. You are not a dead shadow that has been with me for such
a long period of time. I miss you so much grandma. I want to hear that fairy
tale. I remember, the time you use to buy me noodles. God Dam! Are you still
here? Where have you been for so many years?
Finally, the time was moving so
fast, the morning was becoming day and I have to rush for my daily schedule. Good-bye
to everything even to the dead shadow that is still lingering in my mind. I
realized it was a dream, a dream of dead shadow that’s never going to end.
